Situation as of now : First infact 2nd March 2010, 1:10 AM

Something has worked for me throughout these 25 years of my life. I tell people about my goals, create pressure on myself, gives me a sort of push and holds me from pulling back at those tough times. I guess, I make my ego work for me that ways.

I think out of all those 25 years of my life time, today I need the things to work for me the most. I am in a big soup. Let me put down my situation in a few sentences. I am just 25 and I am married. Getting married so early was not my idea, but situation demanded it and so I did. Now I felt held up and constrained from experimenting in my life. I feel had I been single, I would have more freedom and possibilities would have been more to play with my choices, to look around for possible career options, to travel, to meet people or to find life partner at more mature stage of life.

Now my wife is not what she used to be. She used to talk a lot about supporting me and love for doing something starting with lesser and getting everything. She wants a settled home, a comfortable life. Though she say something else but I can see in her eyes that she wants something else. She is right in her likes, but they do not match with me. But I end up falling weak to make her happy. But she is never happy. Also she is putting on weight. Too much of that. And our sex life is awful. Just awful. And remember we just got married 4 months ago.

And career wise , I am totaly lost. I desperately need further education, but what I do not know. I strongly feel that almost all the education that I have till now, is waste. I am not just lost on my career path, I am on a scary path which heads nowhere. I can see years ahead in my career and still not seeing me getting anywhere, in fact sure to feel wasted with time and doubly sure that there is dead end at the end. By the way, I am an electronics engineer, and working as Senior Analog Design Engineer at Freescale Semiconductors. I cried for full two days 4 years back when I did not get this job.

My family is just so distant from me. My grandfather, passed away 2 years back. After his passing away, I realized that he was best man of my family. Really, he had almost everything that a great man should have. He had great amount of energy and great patience. When he was there around me, I used to get annoyed because he was loud. Then he became a bit silent and into himself when he fell sick. Then he passed away. When he passed away, I take the oath that I will do many things like continue publishing his magazine he used to publish every month. I started but I failed to even come close to it. I miss him. Well rest of the family members , my grandmother, my parents and sister live in a small town 350 kms away from mine. I just wish that they stay very very happy in their life . But again almost never do anything to make them happy. Their life do not cross mine. But yes, I miss them a lot when I look back at my past.

Now talking about my habits. I drink once in two weeks. I smoke almost 5 cigs everyday. I see my health getting effected slowly but badly because of it. I want to quit smoking. My stamina is low. I hardly exercise. I need to start working out again. I dress badly because I do not feel like dressing.

I have jotted to down things I feel like cribbing about the most. Now I realize that it is not very bad and I need to do following things :

1) Try to revive the relationship with my wife.
2) Find the right thing for me that I want to learn.
3) Do one thing per week for my family that can make them happy.
4) Enroll for squash.
5) Quit smoking
6) Start making spirituality a daily part.
7) Start waking up everyday at 6 am, come what may.
8) Look best possible everyday (EVERYDAY)


So here I am in front of all of you (whoever) , to do these 8 things. Will tell you about my progress or steps backwards everyday.

Anyways, I read a good line today " Whatever happens to you anyday of your life, try dealing with it in a simple way"

Goodbye for now.